Chapter XV: Estranged

Quote of the month: "He who knows that enough is enough, will always have enough" - Lao Tzu.

Songs of the month: David Draiman - Forsaken

                              Guns N' Roses - Estranged

                              Rammstein - Links 2 3 4
                              

                               

  

           How's it going people? Pretty tough weather here in East Europe, and I can tell without any regret that I had some tough weather in my mind for March and a better part of April. I am happy to say that now managed to get through this, but it was a tough battle with the cold, emotions, and decisions. In the end, it tides have turned, and peace was restored at the end of each month. In the first part I will, talk about all the cryptic pain endured in this season, while in the third I will unveil the bright side of things, and the happy endings (and as usual Part II will be a song that suits this whole period of time with the powerful story-telling elements from it). Let's start talking about it right now.

Part I: Dance in the rain

                This is going to be the part where all the dark things will be unveiled. Starting March was a big setback, both physically and mentally, and that all because of the tragedies going on left and right. For a start, I'll say that no matter how much important you think you are to a person, that will never be the case if that same person follows other qualities that advantage her more, and gives you less to nothing back. In fact, it can always be a backstab that you will receive sooner or later, because you are no longer useful to that person and she needs something else. I had this experience before, and even though we made amends, we resumed our friendship and I was literally at some point, the man in a suit, the one who is supposed to make himself heard in any statement, and I wanted something back in my return for all goods I've done to that human being. Instead, I was ignored, or at least treated as if I am secondary to other more "important" people, coincidentally when I had nothing else to offer. Then I came to realise that a person who stabbed you in the back once, will always do it again some point in time (hence the Lao Tzu quote from above). I knew something was needed to be done, only that there were still living things inside that were skeptical about doing anything. In the end I realised enough is enough, and I cut out the cancer, while gradually dragging myself from that abyss of emotions. It was tough, but it surely was safer to eliminate the toxins from the air, than to let it pass through me and then end up in pain. These are the fakest friends I can't stand and in this case I had to actually fight my way and question the loyalty of others to see who is real and who is not. Just to make things clear, in my world of friends, the first mistake is the last mistake, and the next mistake... well no more mistakes. You already end up in probation after the last one, should you show signs of a liar, a scumbag, a fake, an insipid, or the worst case a backstabber (again), you are going to be exiled with no warning. Continuation of the happy ending #1 in Part 3.

                Next, my cats starting to get sicker and sicker, one because of the age (14) and it's delirious hunger without any way to feed it (eats, but no results, just gets slimmer), and the other in a terrible accident that led to a posterior paralysis (probably from a high distance fall?). This was another revolving door that was going through my mind, because it happened just after I finished my birthday celebration and I was led to paranoia because of it happening at night, where no doctor is to be found in my hometown. This was another huge emotional setback, if not for me then for my parents. Growing in the faculty, my parents became more and more lonely, and because of the concern of the age of my older cat Mitzy, they decided to buy another one just as a pain sponge, in case she passes away. The 2nd cat's stint was short-lived as she died of pneumonia and a heart attack after an overdose of diverse injectable substances that were needed to save her from the illness. Instead, the dose was too strong and couldn't make it. That was a dark night for my parents, and it was a sleepless one for me, because I had to take care of them. After that, they acquired a new one, called Ozzy, and suddenly they became overly attached to them. Then after that accident happened, the world was breaking apart for my parents, as they were hellbent on saving him, at all costs. It was a hard period full of prayers, money thrown, and desperation as this time I was far away from my hometown, and just pray for the best to happen. It also got me to a gelousy level to my parents, because of the efforts made for Ozzy, and suddenly I was thinking, hey! This can be my excuse for skipping college! I thought they are in a terrible situation, and this was my escape to stay home for a while. But then I thinked again and said, no that's an awful idea, God will do things right. Continuation of happy ending #2 in Part 3.

                Finally I was facing pain on many plains of my body. I am let alone to face a horrible toothache that is slowly driving me to insanity because of the depth of the corrosions, and I don't have yet the money to save them. All I can do is sit back, keep calm and take as many pills as I can. Another one would be the tough schedule and the delayed sleep I can't control anymore, which leaves me more and more tired with each day passing by, and return to the coffee overdose. Add an uncontrollable headache to that because of the stress with the faculty and the problems I mentioned earlier and you get yourself into a pit of agony. Lastly there's the longing I hold to my friends at home, and some random chest pains I endured lately with my heart because of the pressure I had over the past 2 months. This is the kind of stuff that would drive me into an emotional, physical and mental chaos, which makes last year's health issues seem as they were small balls of sand in the foot compared to what I am enduring now. It's even more pressure once you have some desperate parents that make you work out through the pain, as if it's not their concern, after all, I've been sent here far to college to learn new stuff, and don't quit. Continuation of happy ending #3 in Part 3.

                All in all I can say that this was a horrible and clouded tone set from the get go in these past 2 months, as everything happened so sudden, and I never saw those problems coming. But sometimes, damn it, you just have no choice but to go and do that Dance in the Rain. For your own pity, when nobody could listen what is wrong, you fall down on your knees and let the rain fall onto your face full of tears to cover up your misery. Thankfully, there is a turn of situation at any time, and things started getting better within the end of each issue I stated here. More on that on below the next part.

Part II: Part II: That Weekly Music Video That Inspired Me This Month #6

             As the title of this chapter may suggest, this month I took the relief and become addicted to this song which would explain how these 2 months felt for me in a known song by Guns N Roses called Estranged.

"Estranged" is a song and music video by the American rock band Guns N' Roses from the second part of their two-part Use Your Illusion album, Use Your Illusion II.

 At over nine minutes long, "Estranged", also known for its music video, is the longest song on Use Your Illusion II and Guns N' Roses' second longest song overall (after "Coma" from Use Your Illusion I). It has many verses, no set chorus, and several distinguished guitar and piano solos. Use Your Illusion II's liner notes thank lead guitarist Slash for "the killer guitar melodies", which captured Axl Rose's vision. Slash has specifically stated that recording the guitar parts for this song was very intensive for him; he recorded it using a Les Paul Gold Top, using the rhythm pickup with the tone turned all the way down.

According to Slash, the song was written while the band was rehearsing for an extended period of time in Chicago. Axl revealed that he wrote the song during a more "bummed out" time in his life when his marriage with Erin Everly was annulled.

Released in December 1993, the music video is the third and final part of an unofficial Del James trilogy of videos (preceded by "Don't Cry" and "November Rain") from the Use Your Illusion I and Use Your Illusion II albums. The estimated budget was US$4 million.

The almost ten-minute-long video for "Estranged" is similar in style to the previous two in the trilogy; however, it appears only loosely to pick up the theme. This is mainly because Axl Rose and then-girlfriend Stephanie Seymour (who played Axl's love interest in "Don't Cry" and "November Rain") had broken up prior to filming, making the theme of separation/divorce highly relevant.

Part III: The World Needs a Hero

               Now I will take these parts in reverse order to explain the good part of this period of time, and most likely the happy endings, starting with where I was left alone and forsaken back in Cluj, with 99 problems running through my head and body. Picking from the agonized point, I knew that the other personality from me called Melvin one way or another, wanted to drag this whole ship back from the edge, and try to scratch and claw it's way to normal. Said and done, I found new occupations, I started learning more often for the faculty, I started jogging, I talked more and more to my friends and I started learning about my college mates. A new friend called Vlad Iancu, was there to propose going to a concert together of a Metallica tribute band from our country called Masterpiece, and told me about so many stuff about them doing an epic show every night. Said and done, I went with him, and my God, even though they aren't the original band, it was literally the best live concert I've seen, and made me happy to say that my money spent was worth it. It was a good day the next few hours when the lead guitar of that band added me on facebook and asked me about a photo collage with them at the concert if I can do some for them, which I gracefully accepted to. The pressure of my parents was lifted once I got back home, and I told them about the current situation of the knowledge level and how I can manage to get through exams easier this session, which made them more relieved. End of Happy Ending #3.

    Moving back home was a revitalizing easter vacation for me, both in March and April. When I returned in April I learned about good news regarding Ozzy and his paralysis. After a whole week of treatments he can now walk on all paws, but still needs rehab which no longer needs doctoring, but more of a natural way, as he had some heavy hemorrhage at his posterior and a huge part of it was cured. Now he is slimmer than back in the day when he came here, but let's face it... this cat has balls to get through all this pain and alive. Mitzy was also in a good shape now that she has some diet food at her disposition, and the peace level for my parents was finally coming back. This also was good news for me, as the desperation level started decreasing, and I found my own peace with all family members back. Also I started raising the stakes with an old friend from general school. Ray Runno, who started to be more and more closer in friendship with me, as we started talking again about diverse complex subjects and told about a reunion planned in easter vacation, something I could hardly wait to happen so we could reunite again. End of Happy Ending #2.

  Back in the first return for March I was concerned over what happened to me and started questioning the loyalty of some people. I returned home specially to celebrate the 21st Anniversary, and more than anything to see who is real to me, when a promise was made that the invitations were used in a good way. I was left very skeptical because of the delays of many of my friends, but I will say this, the first 2 people who reached Napoli for my birthday proved me wrong. Those were Adrian Guinea and Roxana, after them came 0 and his girlfriend Crisssssssstina, then Alex Micu', Cipry and Adelina. We had an amazing time at Napoli as we remembered some annoying moments, gossiped some people, and had some funny photos. After that we got to Melvin's where Sabin and Alex Afri came later on and joined to fun. I think that was the highlight of my whole birthday. In a similar way with my 19th birthday, I had friends from the old school, new school, and personal favorites from the past 12 months, I cutted a cake (lit with matches instead of candles), picked a wish, got thrown to the ceiling 21 times by my friends, and enjoyed each and every one of their contributions to that day. 

The presents solidified everything to me regarding my friends and what represented our gimmicks making them prolonged and memorable. I was gifted a Zippo Lighter from Adi, a book for driving lessons from Alex Micu' and Alex M., money from Adelina and Cipry, a tabloid and a bottle of Baileys whiskey from 0 and Crissssssssstina and my personal favorite a real rimmed picture with "The Infamous Hug" from Roxana. That frame was the thing that lifted off any cloud from my mind, and showed who are my true friends who were there for me whenever they were summoned. It meant the world to me, when they showed appreciation for everything I've done with them in our respective friendships. After the "Amsterlypse Reprise" was over, everyone went home happy, and wished the best in my new number of being 21, only son, but a true friend to us all. And hey, after all The World Needs A Hero, which is why I was there to make this happen.

 The next day, I walked a little in the city with my dear Roxana to tell her how much it meant for me that everyone came and enjoyed the party. She was happy to say she had a great time also, and that she really wasn't expecting me gifting her for her birthday (which coincidentally was with a week earlier) with a chained waistbelt she liked and worn. At the time I was walking on egg shells with my parents because of Ozzy, while she was doing the same because of battle she is continuously pushing with this year's exams. Knowing that spring was here, even though it was clouded in nature, and in our minds, we decided we take the 3rd picture from the seasoned series of "The Infamous Hug". So far we had Autumn, Winter, and now we took another trip to Caloianca street to make the Spring hug. In that moment I finally found my emotional peace knowing that we are in a happy state while we embraced in hugs. Given that I was broken and hurt over the past 2 months that hug that me love every moment of it, made me want to stay forever. As the song of the month goes, when I'll find out all the reasons, maybe I'll find another way, find another day. With all these changing seasons of my life, maybe I'll get it right next time. Now that I've been broken down, got my head out of the clouds, I've got back down on the ground, and I didn't talk so loud, nor walk so proud anymore... and what for? 
All I ever wanted was found in that Estranged hug with me and Roxana: A wonderful human being, that I can't despise, that knows who I am, and knows that I know who she is, and an unconditional love that never holds expectations for something in return; she was herself, and I was myself, and nothing else mattered. After leaving her home and waving a last hug goodbye, one thing was for sure, I knew the storm was getting closer and all my friends knew the storm was coming high, but everything we've ever known here up to this point I never wanted it to die. End of Happy Ending #1.

Thank you everyone for bearing with me on Chapter XV: Estranged, thankfully I managed to hit the scheduled date this time for release and not delay it even more like in past chapters. It was a hard 2-monther for me, but in the same time, I can say I enjoyed some amazing aspects of it and I was glad I enhanced my true friendships to a new level. I'll see you at the end of June for Chapter XV: Youthanasia for another 2 months of rich history which is about to be written in real life at the moment, but now that I know everything is going to be alright, all I need is to have just a little patience, keep the faith, fight for the right reasons, and never let down any of my friends from my World. See you then, and as always, Peace!

Photo of the month:

Sad woman, take it slow, it'll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience...