Quote of the month: "This is real talk,I feel like the Incredible Hulk:My back has been broke,and I can still walk....."
Song of the month:Eminem – Cinderella Man
Good evening everyone! Day by day I feel
like I get more and more stronger now that Spring is here,but it’s not just the
season,it’s also the element of obstacles that does so. This time I will cover
a story based on my experience in March,where I highlighted the issues I faced,the
disasters I managed to avert and also the perilous journeys I had with some
friends who ultimately needed my
help.Let’s get it started…..
Part 1:Friends,Honor & Protection
The long-awaited
arrival of the Spring season finally hit it’s peak on March 1st,when
I finally saw a sunny day after a looooong time. Sadly it was still chilling
outside like in February,so for the sake of the chapter,I called it
“Winterspring”. It’s presence is so heart warming,but it’s thorns weren’t cut
yet,and tragedies could appear from nowhere.
I felt the warmth of it,I was in a pleasant
state,but that didn’t meant that everything was going to be perfect for me.
At the beginning
of this month,I started having a lot of issues and dissagreaments with my
meditations,maybe because some of my med-mates became unbearable,maybe because I became a lot more determined than them,and
they want to tear me down,or maybe because I am starting to lose my mind when
it comes to over-the-top difficult lessons I have to learn there. It’s become a
very dangerous working evironment,and I can’t do anything about it.I am there
to fight for my own well-being,not get goofy in front of some people who are in
the same stage as I am,if not even worse. Nevertheless I had my heat before
with 2 of my mates,and now it played out in a strong arguing. The result:They
don’t talk to me anymore,and neither do I. And I am not going to rant on them
publicly here because it’s pointless. Honestly it’s the best for all of us.
Should we had things unresolved,we would regret it later and now that we are all
on our own,I am a lot more focused on my own needs than before.
A little ways
down the road I’ve met 2 of my favourite ex-classmates,Flavius and Alina on a
terrible timeslot (it was a quarter past midnight). That didn’t stopped me from
laughing with my friends out loud while remembering the good ol’times in high
school. After that we had the ridiculous idea of rallying Flavius home in a
dangerous turf from our city;usually it’s pleasant until we reach that hour I
mentioned earlier,making it a territory of drunk bastards,junkies,gipsies or
just people who are up to no good.Nevertheless,me and my emo sidekick led
Flavius to his doorstep,Alina laughed him goodbye,and then the trouble began.
That was a universal signal for every drunk clubber who was unlucky on that
night to get out from the shadows,and start teasing that alarming woman. This
was our case,only that it was me and Alina vs. 5 drunk bastards. What was
Melvin’s instinct here?Go defensive mode. We left Flavius’ residence,without
Alina knowing that we were being followed,so I whispered her “I hope you’re
happy that 5 drunk bastards are following us right now…”. She had no idea what
was I talking about,so I told her to slow down,because we will never get rid of
them without confrontation. The stalkers got to us,drunk as they were,they
started introducing themselves to us,each of them stating they are the baddest
people from the whole town,while we introduced to them as students from
Bucharest.4/5 of those parasites didn’t had the guts to even touch me,I saw
through each of them a pathetic 10th
grader who was trying to act like a kingpin at best.They tried to persuade us
to give them Alina’s phone number,while we refused each of their requests.Then
their 30 year old big fat daddy made his appearance and dragged me to a nearby
magazine shop to persuade me in his own way.I violently shoved him,and told him
he ain’t seeing any number from me,he looked at me like I was preparing him for
a trap,and right he was,because I was ready to punch his teeth down his throat,should
he touch me again,but he didn’t dared doing it again. In the meanwhile,Alina
handled the rest of the kids with constant no-es and they gave up,apologizing
to both of us. I went to shake their hands except for the last one who dragged
me,stating he won’t shake my hand until I don’t give him her number,while I
replied “Yeah,how about F**k you fat boy instead?” that left him stoned.He
wanted to go after me and Alina but before he could do anything,he saw the
military police was surveying the area.
After the
incident,I cheered my emo sidekick up making her get pass this moment of danger
she had,lead her home,laughed some more there,and hugged her in a sign of protecting
the honor of our friendship. That night meant quite a lot for me. It was the
first time I would jump in defense of a girl,and make sure she is alright no
matter what happens.I’ve never done that before,not even for my
ex-girfriends(although it never came to this).That night learned me I am
prepared to fight for my friends,no matter what I have to lose.
Part II:Fight Fire with Fire
Okay,this will be quite tough to swallow,so
for those who are misunderstanding me,sorry but I really have to get this thing
off my chest. Some you will start to think I am egotistical,that’s not
true,what’s going on is I am focusing more on my critical needs.This is a rant
dedicated to the only thing wrong about friendship:Those people who were using
me,and still are.
From this day forward I will never score
for second place ever again as long as I live. I am sure all of you are
wondering what’s the meaning of this. Let me clear things up for you. People
connect with who they like and it's pretty obvious they only worship those kind
of personalities who are nothing but backstabbing hypocrites. I wanted to
understand any of them no matter how scripted they act,have a chance to meet
new blood who care to be friends with me,or atleast be cheered by those people
they adore,and be the savior from their blindness.But after a couple of months
I realised those people do not deserve to be saved.No,they don’t deserve it at
all,so from now on I'll do my best to save ME from all of THEM. I've lured them
in my world,I gave them my every little thing,I’ve even sacrificed my future to
some of them,and ultimately I was either underappreciated,or even criticized
for not being like any other fake personality.Every chance they are given,they
always push me away,allegedly stating that I won’t be half the man they will
ever be.All those parasites are just denying to realise it’s the exact
opposite.
All the words written on this sheet of
paper may sound like I’m an egomaniac,but I don’t have any other option to wake
you up from your blinded dream. I for one,suffered miserably for adoring
somebody else just to be torn appart. Friendship sometimes can be nothing more
than an illusion,reason for why I can’t take chances to fail one more time.
In the end we are all just chalklines on
the concrete,drawn only to be washed away. For the time being,I am what I
am...I'd rather you hate me for everything I am,than have you love me for
something that I am not. I'll never be something you want me to be
anymore,instead I will be something you hate so much that deep down inside your
conscience,you will admit that I am better than you will ever be in your
wildest dreams.
Part III:Staying alive
Throughout
the second half of March I experienced the worst enemies I could ever face:My
vices. Let’s put it simple.A human body as most people know is strong enough to
keep you alive a long time,but nowadays as you grow up (I’m not referring to
what happens with all the people,but in general) you start a transcendence from
a once straight-edge child to a doomed teenager.
I mean,there
comes an age where you start with your very first addiction:Drinking.You get
drunk,you’ll probably won’t even remember what happened last night,and the next
day you’re in a bad mood,hung-over,swearing endlessly that you’ll never ever
drink again. Of course some of them may tell the truth,others will lie,or
others may not even say that stuff and think it was an awesome experience. The
result is 90% the same. You’ll do it again,and again,and again…Sadly you may
even have the chance of becoming an alchoholic.
The next step is
smoking. In our country atleast,in Romania,kids start smoking quite early these
days. This addiction,like drinking,is a way of getting over with others in hope
of getting cooler.Usually you can start smoking easily once your drunk.If you’re
drunk,you open a gateway to a whole lot of stuff,smoking being one of your new
challenges. Sure,one cigarette won’t hurt at all (especially when you’re drunk),but
then you take another one,and another one,and another one…Soon enough you’ll
spend all your pocket money on tobacco. What’s worse about it is that you may experience
some health issues (besides the fact,that you grow more and more poor,your
breath stinks and you gain heat from certain people).
The final
ingredient to the recipe of self-destruction is the word “Drugs”. The final
addiction is the most dangerous of the 3 vices,and you can’t reach it until you
haven’t passed the first 2. The way to become a drug addict is because of one
of these 2 reasons: 1.You want to try it because you’re curious; 2.You want to
try something new and fun,because the last 2 addictions aren’t fun anymore. The
danger provoked by this one is unimaginable.You have the risk of not even
getting away of it by your own power. It also whiplashes when you’re older at
60-70 years and become schizophrenic.
So,this is the path of a doomed teenager. You’ll
probably wonder how I know about all this stuff,well I am one of those formerly
doomed teenagers. Basicly I had to face these vices (except for the last one
because I wasn’t into drugs but you get what I’m saying) and throw them into a
slim body. I’m not afraid to say I am in a bad shape after 2-3 years of combat,I’m
just pissed I had to fall like a fool and implode into something more groosome
than before. The exclamation point came into my head once I realised that for 4
straight months,my heart started beating faster and harder and because of these
vices,added up with those nightly 5 hours of sleep per day,my body has weakened
dramaticly and I could barely keep myself standing. On the other hand,I am
proud to say I have finally enslaved all of those vices. I don’t drink that
often anymore (rarely once in 2 months),I’ve gradually paused my cigarettes hunger
(now I smoke,only in special ocassions or in case I’m extremely pissed) and most
importantly I rebuilt my sleep (now I sleep atleast 8 hours per day which is a
standard).I can say I was thankfully one of those explorer types of addicts. I
was curious in trying new experiences,rather than having fun.After crossing
that isle,I am thankful to God I am still healthy,and that He gave me the
strength to overcome my demons and be one of those people who prefer staying
alive for a long time than have dangerous fun. Sometimes it’s Hell until you
can get to Heaven.
This was my 3rd
story of my life I’ve shared with you.This must have been the most painful for
me to explain,but I am glad I finally getting off my chest and go on with the
next 9.I promise to make the best out of next story called Chapter IV:Bound for
Glory coming at the fall of April since it will be easter day and my 20th
Birthday. Thanks for everyone who beared with me on reading all I had to say so
far!
Photo of the Month
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| You and I,Purify..... |
